My lesson in waiting...
Addie is perched on the edge of her seat nose to nose with the miracle that is unfolding right in front of us. "what's it doing mommy...what's it doing mommy...what's it doing mommy?". After waiting for weeks for these little caterpillars to turn into a chrysalis and finally emerge as butterflies...it's all happening. Slowly slowly slowly...the butterfly is trying to crawl out of it's comfortable chrysalis. Addie is so excited she's shaking...chewing her hair...her heart is beating through her chest. Her little eyes are totally focused...not even blinking as she watches. So here we are... just waiting and watching...
This looks like a picturesque moment...and it was...but leave it to my craziness to ruin it. We were LATE for school. I was sooo frustrated with these butterflies..."ugh after waiting all this time...and NOW you want to come out". So I began to pray...or more like silently shout at God..."oh Lord...please help this butterfly to hurry up...Lord we are going to be so late...help this little butterfly come out faster...come ONNN". Then as if an answer to my fervent prayers...another chrysalis starts to crack. Addie is shrieking and flapping her hands..."mommy moommy mommy...it's coming...it's coming...it's coming". Meanwhile, I'm silently about to pull my hair out..."AHHHHHH...Oh NOOOO...come ONNNNN...not another one". These butterflies are taking forever...we are LATE for school ... I'm going to be late for work....AHHHHHH...
As I stood there pacing silently in my "mommy frenzy"...I felt the Lord saying...just stop...just stop...just stop. Look at this beautiful miracle that is right in front of you....look at this beautiful moment I've blessed you with. Suddenly I remembered the verse "Martha...Martha you are worried and bothered about many things" Luke 10:41...I felt like He was whispering this right in my ear. We had a sermon in church about this exact verse...Martha had good intentions preparing a meal for Jesus...but she missed the point. The point was to spend time with Jesus. My intentions for getting to school and work on time were good...but I was missing the point of being in this amazing moment with Addie.
I got a little teary eyed as the Lord revealed to me that I was missing this amazing moment....I was missing the Lord's blessings...all because of my silly distractions...
Totally giving up...I sat down beside her...plopped my bags on the floor...and just stopped...stopped rushing...stopped thinking...just being in the moment.
As Addie was watching her butterflies come alive...I was blessed with such an amazing surprise. I got to watch my own little butterfly come alive. She was telling me the whole process...showing me the butterfly's proboscis (it's tongue)...telling me to hurry and get some oranges for it to eat...telling me about the blood pumping through it's wings...telling me how long it was going to take for it's wings to dry. I was utterly amazed how much she knew about these butterflies.
I felt so guilty for almost missing this amazing moment with her. "Thank you Lord...thank you for stopping me". The Lord was teaching me a lesson...I knew it...I felt like He was saying to me.....you cannot rush a butterfly. Addie and the butterflies are on God's perfect time...not mine.
Addie has taught me so much in her 4 years. But one of the most amazing things...is to just stop and wait....wait for her...wait on God...wait for my butterfly.
Addie takes a little longer to process change...to figure out how to get her shoes on...to find the words to say...to decide if she likes the food on her plate...to comprehend what you just said to her. She may need a little extra time...but she can do it...she can come out of her chrysalis. And it's a beautiful thing.
"Addie go get your shoes".....I hold my breath and count to 10...just give her a minute...I tell myself....my mind whirling...did she hear me?...did she understand?...Should I just go get them for her? Sometimes there is a long pause...or maybe she's staring into the distance...and then after a few minutes she suddenly gets up and goes to find her shoes. It sounds like a simple request...but for Addie it's HUGE. These little moments are milestones for her and we are overjoyed. I have to remind myself what would happen if I hadn't waited...if I had rushed her...she never would have learned to get her shoes. It's these little moments when she emerges from her chrysalis. It gives me hope and I am so blessed to see her come alive. It's these little moments that she starts to become a butterfly.
The Lord has taught me so much through waiting. I've learned that my schedule and my timing means nothing. The Lord has perfect timing. I make a mess trying to do everything on my own. As my Dad always reminds me..."For God is not a God of confusion but of peace" 1 Corinthians 14:33. I need to just stop and wait....lay everything at the foot of the cross...and let Him take control. He may not give me an answer as fast as I want or the way that I want him to. But there's a reason for that...He knows what's best...and His timing is perfect.
It may take Addie a little longer than most kids to do some things...it may take her a few more trys...it might take a picture or two...or maybe a social story...or her magic quiet ears...she may need a little more instruction and help...but she can do it. She can come out of her chrysalis when she's given the chance.
When I wait on her...and when I wait on God...I am amazed with these beautiful life moments where I see a miracle. I see a butterfly.