It's a quiet day in the park...and I was about to learn another one of life's lessons.
There were only a few kids playing quietly...so it's the perfect atmosphere for some socialization with Addie. After seeing another little girl Addie's age...I prompted her to ask and see if she wants to play. To my pleasant surprise Addie runs over and says her "script". "Hi my name's Addie...what's your name...do you want to play with me?...Ok my name's Addie...what's your name...do you want to play....do you want to....do you want to." Addie is repeating herself over and over. The other little girl is looking a little confused. I'm waiting eagerly to see if she'll say yes. "Oh Lord please let her say yes....come on...say yes...don't notice she's repeating...just say yes". Then the other little girl furrows her brow and says "why do you talk funny? what's wrong with you?". I'd be lying if I didn't admit I teared up a bit. I tried to look away so the other mom's wouldn't notice. I was so proud of Addie for going over to her and trying to talk to her. I wished she could have just said yes. Of course we've heard this before..but it still punches me in the gut every time. I'm standing there praying for strength....and trying to remind myself to be proud of the little milestones and not get carried away.
I wasn't sure what Addie was going to do...usually she meltsdown...or starts jumping around and flapping her arms screaming....she just doesn't know how to respond. But today was different. As I was looking up at the heavens trying to pull myself together and praying for a way to explain this to the other child. Addie shouts...."BECAUSE I DO" in a very stern confident voice. WOW....I'm speechless....I look down and see Addie about 6 inches from the little girl's face. The little girl looks shocked and glances at me for help. It was a strange moment. I was so proud of Addie for expressing herself....but I knew it looked strange to the other mommies...and she had possibly scared the other little girl by yelling in her face. But I knew this was HUGE for Addie.
Bending down on their level...I reminded Addie to talk quieter when her friends are close. I wanted to scoop her up and hug her tightly and tell her how proud I was....but I restrained myself since that would only upset Addie. I calmly told her how proud I was of her and that she had used her good words.
Of course, the other little girl had run away by this point...confused and upset. She was yelling across the playground asking her mom "what's wrong with her?...is there something wrong with her?". The other mom was trying to hush her daughter and smiled sheepishly at me. As I tried to walk over and explain...she quickly hurried away with her child.
I sighed and looked down at Addie...she was pleasantly oblivious to the awkward situation and was sitting scooping up mulch and running it through her fingers. I almost laughed out loud. Here I am almost in tears...worrying about Addie's feeling being hurt...worrying about her being picked on or never having friends....worrying about talking to the other mom. And here's Addie calm and collected....she doesn't seem to care in the least. She gave her answer..."because I do"....and now she has moved on. How beautiful is that?!
So many times I try to explain myself...I worry about what other's think...I worry about what I say or didn't say...I question myself about why I feel a certain way or why I don't. It's overwhelming the mind games we play with ourselves. But not Addie. Her answer is..."because I do". I love that.
I've been noticing myself this week...worry worry worry....taking the world on my shoulders. Why God this and why God that....worry worry worry...when Lord this and when Lord that....worry worry worry.
Addie says...it's just "because I do".
But I think the Lord was trying to show me that....it's just because He does. Having faith. Simple and perfect.
As I watched her sitting in the mulch playing obliviously. I thought about how wonderful that would be. I had just been shouting at the heavens a few minutes early...having one of my "why God ...why me God...moments". And here Addie is just sitting there playing.
As I teared up again....I felt like God was telling me...it's just because I do...
It really hit me...that's all the explanation I need...at least all I should need. He made Addie just the way she is...and He made her for a reason...and He has a plan for her life. And it's because He did.
So I bent down....sitting in the mulch....trying to worry a little less and trying to play a little more....